Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
