The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
