Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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