my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
