I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
