This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
