I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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