we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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