What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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