Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
