And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
