Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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