Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
