So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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