i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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