so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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