I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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