I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
