tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
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BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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