but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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