rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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