...so i touched it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
