I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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