If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
