question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
be right there i have to get my cape
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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