Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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