ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
