I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
