does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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