Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
