I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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