Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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