can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
