he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
