my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
