i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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