You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
