I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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