Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
