drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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