Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
