Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
