We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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