You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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