she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
