Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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