so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
