She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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