god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
