Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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