turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
