I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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