Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
