i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
