This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
