why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The air was thick with penises
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
