mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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