my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
