Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
