So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
