No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
