Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Without porn, I would have few hobbies.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.

Fav 66 6008 1846
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(201): View more from New Jersey

My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on

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(765): View more from Indiana

So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.

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(909): View more from California

I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore

Fav 3 1295 534
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(415): View more from California

She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren

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