I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
