He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
