her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
