I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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