I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize