Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
