Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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