I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
