apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
