If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
