We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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