dude i'm inner monologue high
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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