Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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