So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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