wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
