I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
